I went to see my doctor three weeks ago. I called the office on a Monday morning to be sure he would be in the office, and asked to speak to a former student who works in the office. She had heard about DH, and wasn't surprised to hear that I was coming by after school. After I talked with the doctor, he agreed that it would be a good idea for me to take an antidepressant for a while, and something mild to help me sleep. My insurance wouldn't pay for what he prescribed until I tried a generic for a while, and the generic is working all right for now. I didn't realize that I WASN'T sleeping until I started sleeping better.
Until two nights ago, I had not remembered any of my dreams since I started on the medications. I have always had rather vivid dreams (a family characteristic, but that's a subject for another posting...), and I had noticed the difference. Two nights ago, I dreamed about DH for the first time since he passed away. I dreamed that he was telling me that he was going somewhere (I'm not sure where) with Gloria and her sister Julia. I have no idea who Gloria and Julia are/were, but something about his decision to go with them made me extremely angry. In my dream, I threw things, I pounded the wall, and ranted and raved. I woke up angry with DH...and glad that I had dreamed about him finally.
I suppose that if we analyze my dream, we see it as the beginning of another stage of grief--my anger at DH for leaving me. I have not progressed to that stage in my conscious state, but I suppose I have when I'm asleep. In my conscious state, I get to a point where I think I can't miss him any more, and then I miss him even more strongly. I have run into one of his brothers twice this week while doing errands (highly unusual in a town the size of ours), which brings DH to my mind even more.
On a lighter note...I do have a cousin named Gloria and a cousin named Julia. They are not sisters, and are on opposite sides of my family. DH never met Gloria, and he never called Julia by "Julia". We all refer to her by her nickname, and the only reason DH would know her "real" name is because she owns a restaurant with a slight variation of that name as its name.
I am making a little progress on the scrapbooks that I'm doing for DH's sons, brothers, and mother. I have trimmed and matted some pictures, and have decided on the general format. I have several odds and ends of business and correspondence that need to get done tomorrow, but I'm hoping to sit in my studio for a little while tomorrow afternoon.
I miss that darling man...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
That must be so hard to go through. I know my mom had a hard time with anger toward her late husband for a bit. Keep healing!
And keep scrapping. That'll help. Hugs to you!!
Post a Comment